


You Are Invited To A Seduction

by theycallmeDernhelm (onyourleft084)



Series: and after all this time/i’m still into you [18]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Asexual Aziraphale (Good Omens), Asexual Crowley (Good Omens), Asexual Relationship, Attempted Seduction, Butt-grabbing, Cuddling & Snuggling, M/M, Miscommunication, Neck Kissing, forearm-showing, ineffable husbands, seduction cliches, the truth about demons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:26:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23674588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onyourleft084/pseuds/theycallmeDernhelm
Summary: This is it, thought Aziraphale. The Big One. The night he was going to seduce Crowley. Or try, anyway. Weren’t demons naturally better at those kind of things? Only one way to find out.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: and after all this time/i’m still into you [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1515578
Comments: 22
Kudos: 173





	You Are Invited To A Seduction

**Author's Note:**

> A little something for all my acespec Good Omens fam ❤️  
> Title from Neil Gaiman’s post on how to seduce a writer.

Apparently, Aziraphale’s bookshop contained a powder room. It had been there when he’d bought the lot, and of course he rarely ever had to use it, but it was there just in case- and tonight, he found it came in handy. 

The angel peered into the antique mirror. Awkwardly, he tried fluffing up his hair just a little bit more, hoping to tousle it in a more alluring manner; he straightened his bow tie- not that he would be needing it, if everything went well- and puffed out a nervous breath. _This is it,_ thought Aziraphale. _The Big One._ The night he was going to seduce Crowley. Or try, anyway. Weren’t demons naturally better at those kind of things? Only one way to find out.

“Alright, you cowardly bastard,” he muttered at himself. “Time to just...get on with it. Go straight for it. You have made that poor demon wait long enough with your pathetic excuses, but there’s no point in doing that now.” Another deep breath in and out. “You are the Guardian of the Eastern Gate, Wielder of the Flaming Sword. Just go for it, for goodness’ sake. Eat him up like a crepe. Oh God. What an awful simile.” Aziraphale frowned at himself. Whatever bit of confidence he’d managed to build up was slowly melting away.

He nearly leaped out of his skin when he heard the Bentley’s familiar-sounding engine approach the bookshop, park at its usual spot on the curb. Aziraphale cleared his throat, swallowing heavily and turning back to the mirror where the image of a chubby, decidedly unsexy principality glanced anxiously back at him. He felt his resolve weakening.

Why was this so hard? He’d never had to convince himself to seek out pleasure before. No, he corrected, actually, this wasn’t for him. It was for Crowley. The apocalypse had been averted, the world had been saved, and neither Upstairs nor Downstairs wanted anything more to do with them. Ever since their first kiss at the Ritz, they’d started shifting their relationship into a more romantic paradigm. Crowley, bless him, was taking it slowly, that is, at Aziraphale’s pace, so now it was the angel’s turn to meet him halfway.

There was only one way that Crowley, a demon, a tool of sin and vice and temptation, could possibly be romantically satisfied. Aziraphale wasn’t sure about how to go about it, or even how to feel, or if he really felt anything at all.

But hey. Anything for his demon, right?

“Come on, Aziraphale,” he told himself at last. “Buck up.”

* * *

Fastidious gentleman that Aziraphale was, he had everything planned out carefully. When Crowley swung up to the bookshop door, he’d be greeted by a soft, enticing glow, and when he entered he’d find the interior of the bookshop lit by a strategically-placed array of candles (Aziraphale had procured a collection of small, round vanilla-scented ones that would set quite a sultry ambiance. Besides, the warmth would certainly have an effect on Crowley’s snakelike disposition.) Oh, and the rose petals— that was always a staple of the art of seduction. He knew Crowley’s curiosity would be piqued by the trail he created to lead into the back room of the shop, where Aziraphale would be waiting, wine bottle uncorked and soft music playing from the gramophone and sex appeal turned up to eleven. He hoped.

His heart skipped a beat as he heard the door swing open and then slam shut, inCrowley’s usual careless manner. The mood he’d tried to hard to create was under threat of being ruined when he heard Crowley sing out.

“Angeeeeeel! Where are you? Look, you said not to bring anything, so I didn’t bring anything— oi, what’s with the candles? We talked about flammables in the shop! And you left this...what the hell is this?”

An irritated rustle, he must be scuffing up the rose petals.

Aziraphale sighed and called out, “In here, darling!”

“Ah,” exclaimed Crowley, and he followed the trail into the back room. Aziraphale was just placing a record on the antique gramophone when he came in, allowing him to turn around quite seductively.

“Hello, dear,” said Aziraphale sweetly.

“Hey, Angel.” He was grinning, but in spite of that tried to reprimand Aziraphale, “What’s all this with the candles, love? And the stuff on the floor?”

Aziraphale felt a twinge of disappointment that the effect was lost on Crowley. No matter, he thought, they’d made it this far. Time to initiate Phase Two of Operation Get That Demon Booty.

“Oh, just an attempt at being more, er, traditionally romantic,” said Aziraphale cheerfully. “Don’t you agree it rather helps set a...an amorous ambiance?”

Crowley quirked a puzzled eyebrow, but returned his smile nonetheless, “Yeah, I guess so.”

Aziraphale gestured for Crowley to sit down. “Something to drink?” He asked. Alcohol always helped put someone in the mood, didn’t it? Anyway, he’d need it to get through this. Crowley nodded, and Aziraphale reached for the bottle on the nearest study table. There hadn’t been a bottle, nor indeed two glasses, before, but now that Aziraphale was reaching, there they were.

“Uh,” Crowley said, content to remain on his feet and linger in Aziraphale’s orbit. “So what’d you get up to today?”

“The usual, really.” He couldn’t help a little conversation; Aziraphale loved to talk, and he loved to talk to Crowley, but no, now was time for action, and if he got started he’d talk the demon to death and oh, Crowley would never see that Aziraphale could show him love in other ways. “Tidying the shop, putting some books in the right places...”

“How many times a day do they move anyway? I thought you didn’t want people shifting them around,” Crowley said as Aziraphale poured the liquor into the glasses. He missed answering the question as he took one glass a little too quickly, and then drank it, also a little too quickly. As the wine went down, Aziraphale noticed Crowley staring at him through the bottom of the glass, an expression of confusion on the demon’s face, and he put the empty drink down abruptly.

“Uh, well, you know humans- keep an eye off them for just a second and soon enough they’re doing things they’re not meant to do...like leaving books in the wrong places...and eating apples.” He quirked a smile at Crowley. Did that look sexy? He hoped it looked sexy.

Crowley laughed, “You’re still mad about that?” He downed the contents of his own wineglass then set it down without so much as a gulp, all cool and collected.

Damn him. Oh wait, too late.

Aziraphale dared to take a step forward. “I’ve had some time to forgive you over the last six thousand years.” His gaze dropped to Crowley’s lips.

_Come on, Aziraphale._

Aziraphale snapped his fingers, and the gramophone started playing, filling the room with soft music. Crowley looked up, intrigued, and the moment’s distraction was all it took for Aziraphale to move in and tighten the space between them.

“This is new,” Crowley said.

“Eh?” Aziraphale said, startled. Was he making Crowley uncomfortable?

“This. It’s jazz? It’s...Miles Davis?”

“No, dear. Bill Charlap.” Deep inside, Aziraphale winced. Was it sexy to correct someone about music? Did it matter? He was just trying to set the mood, for heaven’s sake. He did, however, notice it working; Crowley’s hips were swaying slightly to the rhythm, in a way that not even the demon was fully aware of yet. Aziraphale took advantage of it, pressing himself closer.

“Either way, it’s different to your usual house tunes,” Crowley murmured. “Didn’t know you listened to jazz.” His own hands cradled Aziraphale’s elbows gently, in a way the angel couldn’t be sure if he was trying to keep a distance between them or draw Aziraphale in further.

“It’s a fairly recent interest, to be honest. I thought now was as good a time as any to try some...new things,” Aziraphale replied anyway. He put the drink down, and his hand traveled from the tabletop to the small of Crowley’s back- and then lower.

He watched Crowley’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Aziraphale felt a thrill of success. Curious demon = ensnared.

“New things, hmm. Like grabbing my arse?”

The awkward tone in Crowley’s voice made Aziraphale’s cheeks flare up. “It’s a, um, it’s a nice arse,” he blurted out softly, and mentally kicked himself as soon as the words were out. He felt Crowley’s back stiffen uncomfortably against him, a nervous chuckle.

“Why, Angel,” Crowley murmured, “I’m surprised at you.”

“Plenty more surprises here, love,” Aziraphale managed to whisper in Crowley’s ear, seductively, he hoped. There was something here, he felt, a core of love warm and indulgent at Crowley’s very center, not like the flashes Aziraphale felt from time to time when he was around humans. It urged him to keep powering through in spite of Crowley’s body language. Somebody damn it, he would end the night satisfying this demon in bed- or whatever surface they managed to find themselves on.

He leaned back, teasing Crowley, as the demon leaned in for a kiss, and said abruptly “Quite warm in here, isn’t it?” He took his hands off Crowley for a moment to undo his bow tie, tossing it casually over his shoulder and loosening the top buttons of his shirt.

Crowley just stood there, staring, “It’s not that warm at all,” he interjected, and then, “oh,” in a small voice, as he watched Aziraphale push his sleeves up to the elbow, exposing his strong forearms.

(Important in the art of seduction: showing a bit of skin. This was as much as Aziraphale was comfortable with revealing— baby steps, right?)

Aziraphale let the wine take effect on him, lighting his veins with a surge of confidence. He pressed his lips to the delicate tattoo next to Crowley’s ear and was rewarded by the delicious shiver that ran throughout the demon’s body. Encouraged, he continued, kissing a warm track down Crowley’s jawbone and throat, and quite despite himself, Crowley reacted reflexively, his neck arching for the softness of Aziraphale’s lips.

“Angel,” Crowley just managed to gasp. “This is- oh...” The words died on his tongue as his arms came up inadvertently to clutch at Aziraphale, who was now nuzzling the base of his neck.

“Do you like that, darling?” Aziraphale murmured, his voice rich and low.

“I, heh, yeah, sort of,” Crowley babbled, and if there was a flash of giddy panic emanating from the demon just then, Aziraphale didn’t feel it.

“Mm, I thought you would.” He lifted his head and looked Crowley in the eyes. “In fact, I’m sure you would like a great many things, things we didn’t get the chance to do before.”

“Afraid I don’t follow, love,” mumbled Crowley awkwardly.

“Oh, come on. Surely you’ve thought about this. Surely you’ve waited a terribly long time. Well.” Aziraphale nibbled at the demon’s ear. “Here I am now. All yours.”

Crowley lifted an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“It’s about time, don’t you think?” Aziraphale said, with a matter-of-fact shrug. Soft hands guided Crowley’s own to rest on the curves of his body, inviting him to sink his fingers into the flesh, to grab, to hold.

“Um.”

Aziraphale sighed. “Very well, if you insist on being a gentleman about it...”

Crowley had barely time to collect himself before Aziraphale was kissing him again, on the lips this time, and Satan help him, it was rough. One hand grabbed Crowley’s silver tie- or whatever the hell that thing was- while the other nudged his jaw open with his thumb. Not that Crowley needed the help; his jaw went slack anyway at the sudden slide of Aziraphale’s lips over his own. As far as their kisses went, this one was different. Sloppy, you could say, which was unlike his angel. Caught by surprise, Crowley staggered backward, and Aziraphale went with it, pushing him against the edge of the table.

Okay, this was new.

“Ngk!” he squeaked.

“Just _go with it,_ Crowley.”

“Uh...go with what?” Crowley’s yellow eyes darted anxiously.

“With...Whatever you’re feeling. Whatever you desire,” said Aziraphale, and he leaned in once again to claim the demon’s lips. Crowley put his hands up just in time to stop him from getting any closer.

He knew desire, could smell it on people’s skin and see it on their faces. He did not see it on Aziraphale’s face now. In fact, the angel looked rather exhausted.

Crowley swallowed. “Aziraphale,” he said, pushing his sunglasses up out of his face, “What’s gotten into you?”

With a defeated sigh, Aziraphale rolled his eyes, all pretense vanishing. He lifted his hands off Crowley. “Well, I am trying- I am trying to seduce you.”

A ringing silence filled the air between them.

Crowley’s eyes went wide. There was a hint of a laugh in his voice when he said, “You what?”

“Oh, don’t make this harder than it already is,” Aziraphale said impatiently. In a flash he was back to his usual fussy self. “I am trying to seduce you! That’s what all this is about, in case you were wondering.” He pouted. “Why on Earth won’t you be seduced?”

Crowley, bless him, made a valiant effort to fight back his laughter. “Wait. So that’s what you were trying to do here?”

“Well it seems that I’m not doing it right!”

“I- I didn’t say that,” said Crowley, trying his hardest to keep a straight face.

“Fine then, show me,” said Aziraphale haughtily. “Show me how it’s done, you wily old serpent.”

Crowley actually blinked. “Excuse me?”

“I mean it! Because I’m sure you can do a better job.” He took a step back, spread his hands as if giving Crowley the floor for a dance number (and a particularly sensual one at that.) “Let’s get this over with.”

Crowley stared at him. For once it seemed as if Aziraphale was the one going too fast. “Angel. You can’t be serious.”

“Maybe I am.”

“Uh, no?” said Crowley bluntly. “I’d be able to tell if you were, Aziraphale. I can sense desire same as you can sense love, and I don’t— I don’t know what this is, but this ain’t it.” He looked Aziraphale up and down searchingly, finally meeting his gaze.

“But that’s the point, Crowley,” said Aziraphale, almost whining. “I can sense your love all the time- like just earlier, it felt as if it was the only thing in existence.” He couldn’t help but smile. “And you can’t— you can’t feel my love the same way. So I tried to, uh, speak a language you’re familiar with, that is to say, temptation. Desire. Carnality.”

Crowley blinked again. He ran a hand over his face and too, a step back.

“Blimey,” he finally managed. “You were really willing to go all the way, huh?”

“If it made you happy,” said Aziraphale with a helpless shrug. “If it proved to you that I could— could, well, anticipate your needs.”

Crowley stared. “My needs.”

“Yes, Crowley,” sighed Aziraphale, almost impatiently. “Your needs. After all, you are— and I mean no offence whatsoever— you are a demon.”

“Oh,” said Crowley in a small voice, and then, louder and more embarrassed, “Oh. OH. Oh dear.”

“What?” said Aziraphale defensively.

Crowley glanced up to meet his eyes. “Angel? You know desire is a human thing, right? Exclusively a human thing?”

It took Aziraphale a moment to catch on. “Wait. What?”

“Yeah,” mumbled Crowley.

“But demons— the temptations!” exclaimed Aziraphale. “The sins of the flesh! Isn’t that what your lot does?”

“‘S what we do, but it’s not like we enjoy it,” said Crowley with a shrug. “It’s just a job, Angel. Really. I— I’m not—“ Crowley gestured to himself with a vague flailing motion, “I’m not, you know.”

Now it was Aziraphale’s turn to say “Oh.” He looked rather flustered. “So...it isn’t me?”

“What do you mean?”

The angel wrung his hands again. “For a scary moment there I thought- I thought you didn’t want to because you didn’t want me.”

A tender expression came over Crowley’s face. He moved closer to Aziraphale, “Angel, no. Gosh, no.” Their hands found each other, clutching, comforting. “In fact, it’s more of a...like a, hmm.” Crowley mused for a moment, “it’s more like...I respect you too much for that. I love you too much for that. Commonplace, tawdry, embarrassing human thing, anyway.” He pressed a kiss to Aziraphale’s forehead. “I do want you. Just not in that way. Which I guess is okay, because you don’t want me in that way either— and don’t you start pretending, because I can tell.”

That made Aziraphale smile. He moved in closer and felt it again, the warm core of love spreading out from Crowley- no, spreading out from between them both, where their hands touched and their eyes met. It had always been enough, he knew, and he was a fool for thinking there had to be more.

“So,” Crowley said, with a relaxed grin. “Let’s, uh, sit down comfortably, yes?” He guided Aziraphale to the sofa, “maybe put these over here?” He placed the wine glasses on a stool nearby. “And put this back on. I know you don’t feel like yourself without it.”

Aziraphale gratefully took the bow tie from Crowley and put it back on, as the demon went about settling them into the sofa and arranging one of the furs over them. He snuggled in next to Aziraphale. “Better, right?”

“Much better,” Aziraphale sighed in relief.

“You can turn off the sexy now— or whatever this was,” Crowley said, gesturing to Aziraphale’s body with a flapping motion.

“Oh, yes. Certainly. Sexy off.” The angel took a long sip of wine.“I am terribly sorry, my dear. No wonder you were so confused. It must have seemed so presumptuous of me...although I do wonder why you didn’t see where this was going in the first place.”

“To be fair, I’ve never actually been seduced before,” Crowley admitted with a grin. “Was always me doing the seducing, well, tempting is more accurate, and always for business. Not ‘cause I really wanted to. My lot figured out rather quickly that we could use this against the humans— Why, they practically do our jobs for us, following their urges and then feeling guilty about it later. We just...nudge ‘em in the right direction. Or the wrong one.” He grinned cheerfully, momentarily acknowledging all the disasters of history that were brought about because someone or other couldn’t keep it in their pants. “Well, occasionally, the tempting and the flirting can backfire, and humans start taking you seriously, and once your mouth runs itself into the gutter they think it means your body’s going to follow; not to mention this corporation they assigned me is, apparently, irresistible-“

“In which case I don’t blame them,” teased Aziraphale, with a gentle shove at Crowley’s chest. He sat upright to pour them new glasses of wine. “I suppose all the kissing and touching is very nice, but the concept of actually, er, following through is rather off-putting.” He handed one glass to his partner. “And really, what am I missing out on? There is so much else in the world that pleases me. Food, yes of course, and books, oh, I adore them. And just being with you,” Aziraphale added, lacing the fingers of their free hands. “Making you laugh. Reading to you, since you refuse to do it yourself. Making you happy.” He gazed into amber sundrop eyes. “Perhaps I overdid it tonight.”

“Yeah, kind of,” Crowley admitted. “But all the stuff you just mentioned, Angel? That’s enough, more than I deserve, even. That’s what makes me happy.” A twinkle leaped into his eyes. “But, well, if you’re ever curious...”

Aziraphale shook his head vigorously. “No, no, Heavens!” he exclaimed. “I was just- this was- “ he sighed, “Well seeing as we are in a relationship now,” the angel said, flustered. “A proper relationship. You know I always like to do things, er, the way they’re done,” he managed an awkward smile, “so I assumed this would naturally be part of it. Isn’t that why they refer to it as, ahem, consummating?” 

Crowley’s face fell as if he was suddenly being pop quizzed. “What’s that word mean again?”

“To fulfill,” Aziraphale explained patiently. “To make perfect, in a way.”

“Mmm,” said Crowley. “Well, I don’t know, Angel. If you put it like that, this all seems pretty consummate to me.”

Aziraphale looked around. They had wine, and they had warmth, and they had a soft blanket and each other and eternity ahead of them. And Crowley’s hand was holding his. Of course it was already perfect.

“Yes.” Aziraphale’s eyes gleamed in the low light. “Well, I must agree.”

They met in the middle this time, and their kiss was light and sweet.

“And for the record,” Crowley said, abruptly breaking away, “what just happened earlier, snogging someone like that without their consent? Not cool. Grounds for damnation, if you ask me.”

Aziraphale gasped, scandalised. He retorted, “Ah, but I was trying to please you. My intentions were good.”

“Angel, you know that’s exactly the stuff that paves the road to Hell, right?”

“Well, thankfully I failed,” said Aziraphale loftily. “Now you know what it’s like to be the one doing the thwarting.”

“And for a first-time seduction? That really wasn’t half bad,” Crowley admitted. “I was actually...impressed.” He tapped the tip of Aziraphale’s nose with one finger, _boop_. “But you know how to really seduce a demon like me?”

Aziraphale tilted his head. “Pray tell.”

“You do it before they even notice that’s what you’re doing.” Crowley grinned. “Heck, you do it before you even notice that’s what you’re doing. You laugh at his jokes, and look him in the eye, and don’t turn away because you’re scared of him...you show him how to eat oysters and take him to plays and operas and give him extraordinary amounts of alcohol. You let him do your job, sometimes. You do his job. And you listen to every crazy idea, every petty grievance, every dirty little secret; you answer all his questions and never tell him he’s asking too many.” His hand found Aziraphale’s again, pressing it to his lips in a kiss. “You let him spoil you and make you feel wanted. Most importantly, you just...be yourself. Your kind, caring, intelligent, aggravating, bastardly self, and before you know it, he’s yours.”

“Mine?” said Aziraphale softly, still, after all this time, hardly daring to believe it. “Really and truly?”

“Always.”

That seemed to satisfy his angel. Aziraphale snuggled in close, pressed another kiss to the tattoo next to Crowley’s ear. “Well then. Seduction accomplished?”

Crowley chuckled. “Yeah. Seduction accomplished.”


End file.
